Imagine you’ve just lost your mother, and it’s Mother’s Day.
Everywhere you look, the world is celebrating mothers. Now multiply that
feeling by one hundred. That is what the holiday season feels like for many
local families this year.
In some cases it’s the head of the household who is missing.
The role will have to be assumed by someone else from now on. Holiday
traditions may change a little, but many will remain the same. The missing
person may be remembered with stories and anecdotes. In some cases a place is
set for them at the table.
We miss the people we have lost. But Christmas and all year
long, I believe we have a responsibility to be a witness to their lives.
Some cultures prefer not to mention the dead. They feel it
is easier to move forward in their lives if they leave the past behind and
never mention the name of the one they have lost.
In our house, it has been nearly eight years since we lost
my Dad. The pain, although dulled over time, still swells up forming tears and
catching us by surprise occasionally. We find bringing up stories of the past,
using Dad’s favourite quotes and including his memory in our traditions helps
to ease the sting of loss. This year we have much to celebrate with a healthy
new baby in the family. We are not rich, but we have enough. We are trying to
keep spending down, so that our credit balances do not rise out of control. I
am following the plan of buying our daughters “one thing they want, one thing
they need and something to read.”
For myself, I am really trying to slow down and pay
attention. Long before the distraction of social media and cell phones, I have
always been a person who finds it difficult to live in the moment. Big events
tend to whizz past me and I realize afterward I didn’t take the opportunity to
connect with people. In the end I am the one who loses.
I am practicing being present. Every evening I turn Facebook
off early so I can enjoy conversation with my husband without distraction.
Those pings and bells aren’t really conducive to a good night’s sleep either.
On the weekends, I also try to keep social media activity to
a minimum. That way I pay more attention to what’s happening outside on the
farm, and in the house with the ones I love.
It’s nice to feel connected to friends far away through
Facebook and Instagram but they can wait. This Christmas I’m focusing on
family. We are so lucky to have five generations of women getting together for
a family photo. The new baby and her mama, my mom and I will head into the city
to see Great Great Grandmas Vicky and Mabel. I don’t take much time off work over
Christmas but I hope to grab a day here and there to extend the celebration a
little bit. Being busy with family get-togethers over the holidays is a true
blessing. Not everyone has time with family to look forward to at Christmas. I
realize this, so I’m trying to make every moment count.
We have another little baby coming to our family this holiday
season – the one that was due the same day as my daughter, December 31st.
Gloria and Matt are probably on edge, watching and waiting for the signs to
start appearing. With any luck we will have two little babies to pass around
over the holidays.
We also have a loved one who is in palliative care. This
will be her last Christmas. We will be making some time to spend with her as
well.
As we head into the holiday home stretch, I encourage you to
put the phone down and look around. Notice the people who are hurting, sad or
lonely and consider giving them the gift of your time and attention. It doesn’t
take much – just connect with them and see if there is anything they need, or
if they would like to get together and chat over a coffee.
Even a simple Christmas card with a handwritten note inside
can go a long way to remind someone that you are thinking of them during this
difficult time. You can help make their holidays a little more bearable.
email: dianafisher1@gmail.com
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