The Accidental Farmwife
A challenge to your family from mine
By Diana Fisher
I’ve mentioned the miracle of Sunday dinner before but it
continues to work its wonders with my family so I’m mentioning it again. Just
in case you missed it the first time.
My Dad got sick and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer
just a few weeks before I got married in 2007. I moved onto the farm in August
and we started our Sunday family dinners shortly after that. I can’t exactly
remember the reason but it was wonderful to have family together on the
weekends at our place. It was one day of the week that everyone could count on
to get together and see each other and spend time with Dad. It was much easier
on Mom that way too, so she didn’t have to worry about keeping her house ready
for visitors when she was busy taking care of Dad every day.
When he was given his terminal diagnosis on September 11th,
and went through various bouts with chemo haze and mental fog due to all the
pain medication, Sunday dinner became something he looked forward to. Almost as
much as his daily marathons of Corner Gas, and his afternoon nap. The girls
would laugh and tease each other at the dinner table and he would just sit
there and smile at them, forgetting his pain for a moment.
As we said our final goodbyes to Dad just four months later,
the Farmer and I decided that we would continue Sunday dinners for the family.
And truly, sometimes I think it’s the only way we would see each other. Because
lives get busy and it is often difficult to schedule a get-together other than
for special holidays and celebrations. We have dinner for about 20 people, on
average, every single Sunday. The only time we cancel is if we are out of town
for some reason. On those weeks I’m always afraid someone is going to show up
just out of habit and no one will be there to greet them but the dog.
It’s like Thanksgiving dinner, every week. It’s no wonder
I’ve gained 25 pounds since we married. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
People ask if it’s a lot of work and yes, it is. But it’s worth it.
The Farmer does most of the cooking (of the meat, anyway).
He loves to cook so he does it up big. You don’t have to have a smorgasbord
every Sunday. People bring dishes to add to the table and you could arrange for
that as well. Or just have everyone pitch in and order pizza, or Chinese. Make
a big pot of spaghetti or a pan of lasagna. It doesn’t have to be gourmet. The
point is you are together.
When people are eating and drinking together, they relax and
feel welcome, no matter what they are going through at the time. That’s another
thing the Farmer has established: on Sundays there are no serious
confrontations or grudges revisited. The white peace flag is up and the farm is
a sanctuary where no one passes judgment or voices disapproval. Save that for
Monday.
Sunday dinners are not just for immediate family. We
occasionally have honorary or extended family members at the table. That’s a
good thing, because if it was just the usual suspects every week, eventually we
would start arguing and throwing food, I’m sure. Having the occasional special
guest keeps us on our toes and exhibiting our best behaviour.
In recent years my Uncle Pat has joined us for several
dinners at the farm. At first it was just Easter, Thanksgiving and special
birthdays. Then he and his lovely Christiane started showing up to join us just
on a regular summer Sunday, when they could enjoy the farm and the pool. Pat’s
big, booming voice broke out in laughter and song and he seemed to really enjoy
his visits when he was able to join us. Pat had a few health problems and he
died fairly suddenly last week, at the age of 68. His wife has requested that
we host a celebration of his life on the farm, because he loved it there.
If your home isn’t big enough to welcome the entire family
for a weekly or even monthly drop-in, look around and see which family member
does have a house big enough and see if maybe you can offer to potluck the food
and do the set-up and clean-up. It is worth the effort, I promise you.
Photo: Patrick Cullen whose career spanned 40 years in voice, film and stage passed away unexpectedly. He will be remembered with an Irish wake by family and friends later this summer on the Fisher farm in Oxford Mills.
RIP Patrick -July 29th, 1947 - June 23, 2015
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